Here’s the thing: abusers with a fundamental lack of empathy and an excessive sense of entitlement are unlikely to change because their behavior continues to reward them. Their toxic behavior has been hardwired since they were children. It would probably take a miraculous breakthrough as well as years of individual (not couples) therapy to ‘deprogram’ how a malignant narcissist behaves and navigates the world—and that might not even include effectively tackling the lack of empathy they have for others.
First and foremost, the narcissistic abuser would need to have a strong desire and willingness to want to change from within and follow through on all counts—not for their partner, but for themselves. And for that to occur, the victim would still have to wait a number of years to ‘wait and see’ whether change would occur, while potentially wasting years of their lives on an abuser who may never follow through with their promises.
Instead of investing in someone who has shown you time and time again that he or she will not change, why not invest in yourself and your goals and clear a pathway for a healthier and more loving partner in the future instead?
- Abusers have not morphed into a new person with their latest victim.
Time and time again, the narcissist acts as a magician and presents the greatest illusion of all: the disappearing act, followed by a honeymoon romance with his or her latest victim.
Don’t fall for these cheap magic tricks. These are mere provocations staged to upset you, and if you look closely at the idealization and devaluation phases in your own relationship with your ex-partner, you’ll realize it’s not a sudden transformation of character—it’s just a sleight of hand.
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