If someone doesn’t have the moral capacity to treat you with basic respect or act with integrity, it is doubtful they have changed overnight for someone else. Don’t believe the hype when a narcissistic abuser puts their new victim through an idealization phase for the world to see. Remember, they idealized you too, and they are masters of impression management. Don’t forget all those times that the narcissistic abuser showed you off in public or treated you well in front of a witness—only to later berate, criticize, and humiliate you behind closed doors.
They will devalue their new victims, just like they devalued you. The ones they appear to’settle down’ with are not the exception—they are the unlucky ones who will have to experience their depraved behavior within the context of a longer-term commitment. These victims are now deeply invested in a cruel, callous abuser who will continue to feed them falsehoods while living double lives. Be grateful you woke up and are privileged to pursue a life of freedom, peace, and joy instead.
- Yes, their abuse was deliberate, and no, they don’t always suffer from low self-esteem.
Many people are convinced that narcissists suffer from low self-esteem. I have seen friends, family members, and partners of malignant narcissists dismiss, rationalize, and minimize incredible acts of cruelty by justifying them as stemming from the abuser’s ‘lack of self-esteem’ rather than their outrageous sense of entitlement.
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