Why a Relationship With a Narcissist Hurts So Much

Narcissists and psychopaths make up about 15% of the population. Relationships with them affect and traumatize many people. Of course, any breakup is complicated and very painful. But when two psychologically mature people break up, they retain memories of the good and are grateful for it.

They can even remain friends, as they continue to see positive traits in the ex-partner, even if their personalities and habits clashed. But narcissists at the devaluation stage see only your flaws (most of which they invented and are a projection of their own negative qualities that they are trying to impose on you).

If, in addition, they no longer see any benefit to keeping you around, the narcissist will leave without hesitation. And, as self-aware psychopathic narcissist Sam Vaknin explains, if the former “beloved” later has problems, the narcissist will not care at all, as if there were never any bonds between them.

Parting with a narcissist is always complicated by their hostility, even up to smear campaigns against you, and other actions to harm you. Preferably, as much as possible. For example, the narcissist doesn’t want to take care of the children you share — but they will definitely try to sue you for custody!

Only now do you begin to realize the extent of their lies: that all their words of love and promises were just future-faking, which confirms the narc’s indifference to your pain, and even joy at the sight of it. It also suddenly turns out that behind your back, they were constantly messing with someone (even if the narc swore that they didn’t do this or stopped). You feel betrayed, and this is not at all surprising. Moreover, this is a betrayal by the person closest to you! And still loved.

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