Love bombing
Love bombing, otherwise known as the idealization phase, is where we begin the narcissistic abuse cycle either for the first time or all over again if, for any reason, there’s been some time and distance. So be clear; this is what’s happening. You’re being sucked right back into the toxic abuse cycle, where you’re being idealized before being devalued and then ultimately discarded again. That’s the cycle that you’re going to be running. And many of you are already familiar with this cycle because it’s a pattern you’ve been living in your romantic lives as well as with friends, family, and at work. It’s not only sick; it’s really, really painful, in particular for those of us who are highly empathic and show up with the best of intent with these individuals who couldn’t care less about our feelings, our wellbeing, or what’s in our best interest.
What happens if they can get a toe in the door is that suddenly they begin to morph into that person you needed them to be to begin with, back when you were being abused and you went no contact out of sheer self-preservation. All of a sudden, they’re on their best behavior; they’re doing all the right things and saying all the right things, and suddenly they know how to apologize. Suddenly they can show up on time, be decent, kind, and respectful, and show you how much they really care and how very, very sorry they are. And they’re making all kinds of empty promises in the hopes that you’ll be naive enough to fall for the dog-and-pony show they’ve got going on. And the reality is that this is all very temporary. Their best behavior will be a very short-lived phase. If the stakes are really high, you might be able to get a few months of consistent best behavior out of them, but in no time, that mask is going to start to slip. In no time, you’re going to enter the devaluation phase, where you become the target again. In no time, they’re going to be blame shifting and projecting all of their own disowned neurosis and psychosis all over you.
So understand that if you’ve allowed that to happen, if you have not maintained firm, non-negotiable, and unapologetic no contact while also having gotten into your own healing and recovery work, and they’ve gotten a foot in the door, and now you’re standing there and you’re on the receiving end of all of this love bombing, the whole cycle has just started over again. And when you realize that it’s time to run for the hills again, make no mistake; you will be starting from ground zero. Doesn’t get easier over time. In fact, it only gets worse. Our self-esteem takes a bigger hit next time around. It becomes more embarrassing, more painful, and more traumatic. The consequences, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, physically, and financially, get worse and more grave with each relapse in the destructive relationship. So think long and hard before you decide to start falling for their words and the sudden shift into this whole new person who wasn’t able to show up for you before, but suddenly now they’re more motivated for whatever reason. Think long and hard before you start falling for any of the nonsense, because chances are very high—extremely high, in fact—that there’s nothing but more pain and trauma coming your way. It’s just a question of time. Now, comment below and let me know whether or not you’ve had this experience.
Also, if you’d like to learn more about the possibility of working with me in one of my coaching programs, there’s a link in the description below where you can apply to see if you qualify for a free one-on-one consultation with either myself or a member of my team. This is for you if you’re ready and able to invest in yourself and your healing and recovery journey. If you want the pain to stop, you want to find a way out of the fog, confusion, self-doubt, fear, and anxiety brought on by having been exposed to empathy-impaired emotional manipulators who feel entitled to hurt you and, worse yet, blame you for the hurt they cause.
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