What can you expect when a narcissist realizes they have lost you?
Some very predictable narcissistic tactics and a whole lot of narcissist manipulation
When the person with destructive narcissism realizes you’re gone, for real and for good, And now the narcissist has to deal with themselves and the void left behind in your absence.
They are going to feel that void in a big way! And in that void, they long for the one who got away.
The reality is, narcissists don’t tend to go after riff-raff. You can be sure that if you’ve been pursued by a destructive narcissist, it’s because you bring a lot of good stuff to the table of the relationship.
So with that in mind, when the narcissist is faced with the reality of what they’ve lost in losing you, they’ll begin to employ some very predictable narcissistic tactics and manipulation strategies.
Well, a few things, really, not the least of which is that the desire factor will likely go through the roof. Narcissists always want what they can’t have. If it’s out of reach, the desire factor is only going to go up for the narcissist. Why? Well, because the forbidden fruit effect is a very real thing. Now, naturally, to some degree, it’s human nature to want something more when it’s off-limits or more challenging to get. But because of the gaping hole in their souls, people with a destructive narcissistic personality pattern take this forbidden fruit effect to a whole other level.
In addition, narcissists spend a lot of time in fantasy, sometimes to the point of being delusional, in particular in relation to themselves and their own worth, gifts, and talents, which is why they so often show up with a shocking sense of superiority and entitlement. When they realize you’re gone for real and for good and now they have to deal with themselves and the void left behind in your absence, believe me when I tell you, they are going to feel that void in a very big way. And in that void, they long for the one that got away. The reality is that narcissists don’t tend to go after riff-raff. You can be sure that if you’ve been pursued by a destructive narcissist for more than a mere one-night stand, it’s because you bring a lot of good stuff to the table of the relationship. You’re someone who makes them look good by osmosis, and that’s any relationship, by the way, not just romantic.
So, with that in mind, when a narcissist realizes they lost you, you can expect them to begin using hoovering tactics in an attempt to suck you back into the abuse cycle. In fact, you can count on this happening. And if you want to learn more about narcissistic hoovering and, more importantly, what to do about it and how to handle it, you can read this article here. Being prepared in advance is going to save you a whole world of pain, drama, and trauma when the time comes. And here’s the thing, friends: There’s no time limit on the narcissistic hoover. I’ve personally experienced a number of hoovering attempts after a decade or more of cold, hard, no contact with various destructive narcissists from my past. These folks can be relentless.
So, when this happens, don’t be flattered. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them looking to get their own sick needs met through you and at your expense, nothing more. Once they have you back where they want you and the forbidden fruit effect has worn off, you can expect to be served another round of the toxic abuse cycle, which, if you’re not clear what that means, is the narcissistic abuse cycle, which runs in three phases: the idealization phase, the devaluation phase, and then, of course, the discard, with a whole lot of projection, gaslighting, lying, and deceiving along the way. And all of this starts with a healthy dose of love bombing.
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