Today, we’re discussing the top five things you can expect to see or go through when a narcissist loses or fails at something. This could be a major failure, such as at work, a failed Hoover attempt, a divorce, a custody battle, or a business failure, among other scenarios. You get the idea. If you’re thinking, “I bet they don’t lose gracefully,” or if you assume they’ll be good sports about it, you would be right. In fact, those things would be a massive understatement. Narcissists do not handle failure the way normal people do. They are intensely competitive and thrive on winning. In fact, I’m not sure there is anything more important to a narcissist than winning. So, when they fail at something, brace yourself because you are likely going to witness some behaviors you never dreamed you would see from a full-grown adult.
Now, let’s delve into the things you can expect when a narcissist fails or loses at something:
Attacks on Evidence
Any and all evidence, even foolproof evidence, will be attacked, especially if you’re the one producing it. Remember, narcissists construct narratives that make them out to be the hero, the victim, or the martyr, or some combination of all three. So, when they are faced with absolute proof that they are not any of those things and are responsible for the failure, whoever supplied the evidence better brace themselves for one of the nastiest smear campaigns they have ever seen. The narcissist will attack the person’s character, calling them a liar, jealous, or crazy. They may suggest that the person obtained the information illegally or fabricated it completely. The narcissist will try to smear, bully, or blackmail the person into submission or, at the very least, damage their character and intentions to the point that no one believes the evidence they see with their own eyes.
Scapegoating
If blaming the person who supplied the evidence doesn’t work, narcissists will look for a scapegoat elsewhere. Often, they target vulnerable individuals who cannot defend themselves. For example, if they lose a custody battle and have exhausted efforts to smear the ex-spouse’s reputation, especially when the ex-spouse or someone else is awarded custody of the child, the narcissist will likely start a smear campaign against the child. They will blame the child for their failure at winning the custody battle, even though it’s clear that the narcissistic parent’s abusive and neglectful behavior towards the child caused them to lose. They will have already dragged the ex-spouse’s name through the mud, but if that didn’t work, they will turn to the most defenseless and innocent person—the child itself. Never assume that a narcissist will spare their own children from their lies because nothing is more important to a narcissist than winning, not even their own kids.
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