Today, we’re going to look at four ways to torture a narcissist. Step number one, and probably the most powerful one, which is the basis for everything else I’m going to teach you today, is that you must reduce the significance of the narcissist in your life. Do not fake this, and do not act as though they are no longer as significant as they used to be. Instead, make them less significant than they used to be. If you want to create distress, anguish, uncertainty, insecurity, and paranoia, you must reduce their significance. Do not fake it because they are smart in terms of detecting other people’s emotional states. They have no capacity to detect their own emotional states, no capacity to self-reflect, or very little capacity, but they can map other human beings frighteningly well. If you genuinely do this, you won’t need to put on an act. They’ll feel it, they’ll know it, and it will drive them insane with anguish because the whole superstructure of their personality is in being significant to everybody but particularly to their targets. So, reduce their significance.
What does that mean? It means that even inside the relationship, you need to let go of being with them. If it’s your mother or father, you’ve got to grieve the fact that you never had and never will have a mother or father. Grieve, cry, go to therapy, feel sad, write poetry, or whatever you need to do, and in the end, you won’t be attached to them being a good mother or father. You’ll have let it go and you’ll have reduced their significance. If it’s a romantic relationship, grieve, cry, go to therapy, let it go, drop the idea that they’re ever going to be a husband, a wife, a father, a mother. They’re not. Despair, grieve, and let it go. You will reduce their significance, and that’s step number one.
Step number two, the second piece of advice I’ve got for you, the second method for torturing a narcissist would be to challenge their narcissistic idealized self. If you can challenge, deride, mock, and devalue their false self, which is their idealized, fantastical, delusional story of how wonderful, sexy, powerful, intelligent, rich, or whatever they are, if you can find ways of poking holes in that, from a position of reduced significance, they’re in a state of reduced significance for you so you are pretty indifferent, you’re pretty cold, you’re pretty detached, and you just gently suggest to them that their false self, once you’ve figured out and you’ve mapped exactly what the paradigms of that false self are, once you’ve mapped that and you slowly, subtly over time challenge that, you will send them into an absolute blind fury because this creates a massive amount of narcissistic injury.
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