7 Tricks Narcissists Use to Make You Look Like the Problem

Narcissists wouldn’t admit it, but they sure would love to make you look like you’re the problem. And since they won’t admit it, I’ll show you why and how they do it in this article.

The first thing that they do is what we call word salad.

They will use all these words that they mix together to try to confuse you. Throw these trumped-up charges against you like how you’ve never kept your end of the bargain, or claim that you’re cheating, doing things behind their backs, and a wall of other accusations. They would also say two different things at the same time that sort of contradicted each other. They might say they’re trying very hard to make things work between the two of you, but then say that they’re giving up and that they want a divorce or to end this relationship. Another example is that they might plead for another chance and, in the same breath, tell you to get the hell out of here and that they don’t want you anymore. So, they have this cloud of craziness that just hangs in the air whenever they’re around. They will go out of their way to make you look like you’re the cause of all problems when they’re the ones who’re falsely accusing and blame shifting. They do this to wash their hands of any responsibility and accountability for whatever is going on.

Number two is: seeding flying monkeys.

They tell people that there are, even though those very issues don’t actually exist. They do this to prime the minds of everyone. Manipulating people’s perception that you are the enemy, you are the aggressor, and they are the ones who are the victim. Covert narcissists are cunning in this respect. They will drop hints in casual conversation so that these ideas will play in people’s minds. And when something does actually happen, they will be more inclined to think a certain way since they’ve been groomed to do so. They might frame it in such a way that they are just concerned about something and that they care. They might say that they’re worried about how stressed you are and how it’s taking a toll on your mental health. Or that you seem to enjoy more than your fair share of alcohol, and things don’t seem right with you lately. Now, none of these has to be true; all it needs is for these ideas to be seeded or planted in people’s minds so that it’s easier for the narcissist to point blame at you. I’ve actually seen narcissists try to pull this stunt on marriage therapists so that they get the upper hand in mediation. So that’s number two.

Third on this list is disagreeable. 

They’ll be extremely disagreeable, drag their feet on things, or be passively aggressive about it. They would refuse to do things that they promised they would do or refuse to go along on certain plans, but then would do them at the eleventh hour. They would then claim that they actually agreed to do whatever it was, although they only did it in the last second, and would now point out that they did what they said they would, but you were the one who was being the problem because you were nagging and complaining this entire time. Now they’ll say things like why are you complaining, why do you have to constantly nag and bitch about this whole thing, why can’t you just sit still, why can’t you be patient, and bombard you with their Word Salad once more.

Number four on this list is: broken, ignored, or forgotten promises.

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