You know, if you ask them who was responsible for creating this amazing party or coming up with this incredible idea at work or something like that, they can’t bring themselves to give credit to anyone else. If you ask, “What does this person contribute, or what benefit do you get in your life from this person?” They can’t answer it. They live with a scarcity mentality. It really is scarcity mentality at its most extreme. And as I’ve said before, in my opinion, narcissists are the pathological ones that are actually diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, and it’s an actual legit personality disorder. But I believe that it’s a continuum; it’s a spectrum. All of us want to feel seen, heard, and know that we matter. So, there are times when we all feel sort of selfish, or we’ve all been guilty of behavior that’s not the greatest, right? But this is like it all the time. These are people who’re so living with a scarcity mentality that giving anything to someone else would mean that somehow they don’t exist or they collapse because their sense of self is so fragile. So anything that involves giving credit to someone else, it’s just something that they can’t do. It’s really hard to say that this person is really great at this or that my life is so much better because of this person or whatever. It’s really, really hard for them to do that.
Number three is anything involving them failing or losing.
If you ask them questions about their loss or failing at something, they can’t accept it. I mean, they distort reality. They have this magical thinking that is all part of the DSM-5, which is how they actually diagnose narcissists. They distort reality; they just live in their own world. And so anything involving them being called out as failing at something or losing is just something that they can’t have a conversation about.
The fourth thing is anything involving SHAME or vulnerability.
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