Why narcissists fear i*n*t*imacy
The closer a partner gets, the greater the fear grows in the narcissist that their partner might discover the rotten core self that the narcissist loathes terribly. Narcissists need their mask (False Self) as a matter of self-preservation.
The mere thought of their partner seeing through the mask creates perplexing anxiety, which translates as rage and contempt toward their partner for even wanting to be closer. How dare they?! So, because this threat of deconstructing the False Self is so unbearable to the narcissist, they project all of their self-loathing onto their well-meaning loving partner.
The projection comes easily to narcissists as they do not see others as separate individuals, but rather as extensions of themselves. They externalize all the things they despise about themselves by assigning these character defects to others. Hence making the narcissist’s victim the trash can which the narcissist dumps all of their internal trash into. That way it is yours; it is not theirs. As dysfunctional as that is, that is how narcissists self-regulate.
Everything in a narcissist’s life revolves around the preservation of the False Self. Therefore, i*n*t*imacy is an enormous threat. The narcissist’s deeply ingrained defense mechanisms will not allow it. The more a narc’s partner attempts real i*n*t*imacy, the more the narc retracts and hurls misery at their partner.
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