i*n*t*imacy vs. the intensity in narcissistic relationships
Relationships with narcissists are notoriously intense and lack a foundation of i*n*t*imacy. This is because the relationship is entirely based on fantasy. Nothing is real.
The cycle of idealization and devaluation keeps the intensity going but does nothing to build i*n*t*imacy between the couple. Narcissists will not allow i*n*t*imacy, as it goes against the very principles that make a narcissist a narcissist.
The difference between i*n*t*imacy and intensity
i*n*t*imacy is the keystone to a healthy relationship, indicating a safe haven of love, trust, and acceptance of another’s whole being.
Intensity is the up-in-the-air, insecure, disrespectful, unsettling, high-drama relationship often characterized by bitter arguments and lusty make-up s*e*x.
Why narcissistic relationships are intense and lack i*n*t*imacy
True, mature, healthy i*n*t*imacy requires the mutual ability to be vulnerable and become emotionally attached to another being. Narcissists view this as a threat to their False Selves. It does not matter if the narcissist presents as overt or covert. i*n*t*imacy and closeness strip away layers, which fills the narcissist with repulsion, as well as fear of being exposed.
The False Self, which is toxic, entitled, and destructive is a defense mechanism that is crucial to a narcissist’s psychological survival. Narcissists self-loathe. They cannot stand their inner being. Their core wounds are so deep and full of shame that they literally cannot bear to look within, so instead, they project their False Self outward. This is what narcissists have always done and this is what they will always do.
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