Tired of endless fighting and arguing with a narcissist? Well, by the end of this article, you’re going to know exactly what to do instead.
So, instead of arguing and fighting with a narcissist, what can you do instead? Well, to begin with, there are a few things that you have to recognize and accept upfront. First of all, the narcissist’s main agenda is always going to be protecting their false image and overinflated ego. Also, narcissists are fundamentally incapable of seeing you, hearing you, or feeling empathy or remorse for the negative and detrimental effect their attitudes and behaviors have on you. Understanding this upfront is crucial because narcissists are always running their own agenda, which has nothing to do with hearing, seeing, empathizing, understanding, supporting, or validating you. Their agenda is solely about winning, and in their mind, for them to win, you have to lose. Therefore, it’s important to accept that this is who and what you’re dealing with, and it’s not something that will change. Narcissists do not change; they get worse over time.
A key reason it’s not worth arguing with or fighting with someone who falls on the spectrum of destructive narcissism is that they don’t have limits or boundaries. It is never going to be a level playing field with narcissists because they don’t fight fair. They aren’t interested in resolution, understanding, compromise, or win-win situations. They are ready, willing, and able to go as far as it takes to win, even if it means losing. There is absolutely no point in entering the ring with the intention to work something out or resolve an issue with someone whose only objective is to win at all costs, including annihilating your self-worth, self-esteem, and dignity. Narcissists will say and do whatever it takes, no matter how untrue, cruel, or bizarre, going to lengths that you and I would never consider. Therefore, it’s in your best interest to not engage with them as much as possible.
Now, I understand that not engaging with a narcissist isn’t always an option, but if you can, simply stop engaging when they come looking for an argument or trying to pick a fight. If they are doing and saying whatever they can to bait or trigger you, do not engage. Instead, use one-word responses like, for example, “Oh, okay,” “I see,” or “I understand.” This won’t work every time, but sooner or later, they’ll get the point that there is no narcissistic supply to be had from you. Eventually, they’ll realize that getting a rise out of you isn’t as easy as they hoped, and they’ll be forced to go somewhere else to get their sick needs met, leaving you in peace.
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