Don’t Argue or Fight With a Narcissist Do THIS INSTEAD To Win Every Time

However, I acknowledge that this isn’t easy to do, especially when feeling stressed, angry, or sleep-deprived, as it becomes more difficult to detach and keep our mouths shut. It’s also harder if we haven’t started our own healing and recovery work. If you’re carrying a mountain of pain and trauma, it will be much harder to remain detached. But once you start taking care of yourself and doing your own work, it becomes easier to disengage and remain calm, cool, and collected, no matter what the narcissist throws at you. If you need help with that, you’re likely an excellent candidate for one of my coaching programs.

When engaging with a narcissist, decide that no matter what they throw at you, you will stay focused on the issue at hand. Narcissists like to spin, twist, distort, and lie outright, as well as lie by omission. When confronted with a legitimate issue, blame-shifting and mudslinging are often the only tools they have in their toolbox. This is when you discover the true nature of the person you’re dealing with. They are all well and good until a problem arises or you try to give them feedback or set boundaries. At that point, you find yourself on the receiving end of a disproportionate attack filled with irrationality, illogic, and often completely fabricated claims. Going down this rabbit hole with a narcissist can take a serious toll on you, so it’s best to avoid it.

Instead, the trick is to detach and drop any expectations of being seen, heard, validated, or understood. Stay in your body, breathe, and walk away if possible. Say something like, “I feel like I’m not being heard. I’m going to take a break from this conversation. I’ll be open to coming back to it if and when we can discuss the issue at hand specifically.” Turn on your heel and leave. Although it’s not easy to do, especially when dealing with an empathy-impaired emotional manipulator who lies and blames you for the damage they cause, it’s crucial to fortify yourself by focusing on your own healing and recovery.

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