You learn to procrastinate. You struggle a lot with inaction. You’re not a procrastinator. It’s not a problem with your willingness. You are experiencing something called functional freeze. You are in a frozen state where your body is constantly ruminating on doing the things, but doing them takes strength, completing things takes strength, which you do not have because all your resources have been exhausted by your adverse environment. How would you be able to move when you do not have what it takes to do so? By that, I do not mean you’re weak. What I’m trying to say is that you do not have the resources available or you’re dead tired. One part of yours wants to do something, go out, and explore the world, and the other part is afraid, rather terrified, of stepping out of your room. And you keep looking at that door, and you know if I step out I’m going to be questioned or I’m going to witness something that will shatter me. So better is I just sit here and do nothing. That is the root cause of your procrastination. It’s not that you don’t want to do things, it’s just that you feel unsafe to do things. For you to move, you need to feel safe first, you need to step into mobilization from being immobilized for a long time. Procrastination may look like a block, but in a very weird way, it’s your friend trying to prevent exposure, trying to prevent criticism, and experience of pain. Maybe you can approach it compassionately and negotiate with it to know that you’re safe now. Assume that there is this little child in you that feels unsafe, and you can just let it know now that you’re safe. If you already left the narcissist, it’s only possible then, not before that.
Did the narcissist ever love you?
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