First of all, narcissists try to justify everything they do. They try to convince themselves that whatever they did or said was for a good reason and that the person to whom they did something deserved it. The narcissist’s paranoia can lead them to think that they are in danger or that someone is a threat when they are not. But that helps them to justify the hate they have or the actions they have taken to minimize or eliminate the threat.
Why The Narcissist Hates You But Doesn’t Leave You
Another thing narcissists will do is minimize their actions. So, for example, the lies in their minds are but little white lies that everyone tells. Their hurtful words or actions are not as bad; it is the other person who is just too sensitive. Or their hurtful comments and negative responses were just a joke and it was the other person who needed to lighten up, etc. And when the narcissist actually tells you these things to gaslight you when you believe them, it affirms to the narcissist that they are not in the wrong and that you are the problem.
They would bury the negative acts in their minds as their final act. Narcissists would like you to believe that they have selective amnesia and they simply have no recollection of certain things they have done, especially the bad stuff. And it is because they try desperately to bury that stuff and keep all the bad things everyone else has done to them at the forefront of their minds. Narcissists do not forgive or forget when someone offends or upsets them and prefer to keep lifetime grudges. But they will quickly try to forget the evil they have done and even mix up the details so that, in their minds, they are the innocent party.
A very wonderful book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself (English Edition)
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