Narcissists avoid intimacy because they do not want to feel vulnerable. They do not want to be put in a weaker position or have anyone have control or power over them. They assume that by opening up to you, by showing you their vulnerable side, you might exploit them, which is a part of their projection. This is what they do with other people: whenever someone opens up to them, they gather data and weaponize that information against them.
Narcissists think everyone out there is like them, always trying to get them or attack them, which is part of their paranoid personality. They also avoid eye contact because they fear feeling shame. There comes a time in a narcissist’s life where opening up or not does not matter anymore because their emotional body is dead. They do not feel emotions like non-narcissists do, such as sadness, happiness, guilt, compassion, kindness, love, empathy, and all those feelings. The only feeling they feel is shame, which they avoid. If they ever feel shame, they react aggressively, as anger is their second go-to emotion.
Extremely sadistic narcissists withhold eye contact on purpose because they know you need it to feel seen, listened to, cared for, and validated. By not looking at you, they ensure you keep coming back for more, only to breadcrumb you with small bits of attention. This is a form of devaluation. When trying to have a conversation with them, they look sideways, down, at something else, or talk with someone else, always distracted, making you feel like you’re banging your head against a wall.
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