When a narcissist reaches out to you and is turned down, it can be humiliating and detrimental to their self-esteem. When only one person has power and can make decisions, things can get complicated for them. The ability to influence and foresee the outcome is crucial. The two of you may have decided to part ways and go on with your lives. If it is them, they may not have come out and said anything before, but they are reaching out now because they want and need you to know. This invalidates how they feel. This is exactly what it is. They are looking for the ability to dictate the terms of the relationship. But when you step up and take the reins, they can’t cope because they no longer receive any form of attention or emotional validation from you, and they have no idea what you’re about to accomplish.
It’s possible that an attachment disorder is keeping them from moving past this stage. Due to an attachment issue, they are unable to form healthy bonds with you or break away from you, and they think of you as their property because of this belief. Even if they’ve moved on and found another supply, they’ll still treat you like property and treat you as an object rather than a human being with whom they may form meaningful relationships. As a result of their attachment issue, they will do whatever they please and then come back to you confused and bewildered. Instead of offering an explanation, they choose to avoid taking responsibility for their behavior. They hope you welcome them back with open arms and assure them everything will be fine, despite the fact that they’ve brought nothing but trouble, drama, and tragedy to your lives. However, in practice, this is not how things function. They can’t simply return with a weak explanation or nothing at all and assume things will be great. The harm they caused remains, and it’s not as simple as welcoming them back.
“Some people we know have trouble picking up on social signs. They have either never learned to read or just do not care to read the emotional clues of others, a trait that may have its roots in a traumatic upbringing. Because of their difficulty reading non-verbal cues, these people often receive special care and treatment. Narcissists have a hard time accepting defeat and will do everything it takes to hold on to you once they find out you’ve had enough. If they think you’re worth engaging with again, they will. This will begin the cycle of appreciation, depreciation, and eventual abandonment all over again. Yet, if you’ve broken out of this pattern, the narcissist won’t try to reconnect with you. Instead, they will keep tabs on you, either directly or indirectly through flying monkeys, because in their heads, you still belong to them even if you no longer physically do.
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