A study by psychologist Robert Sapolsky at Stanford, done on monkeys, showed that when they were rewarded intermittently for good behavior, the dopamine levels in their brains rose to the level of people’s brains on cocaine. This intermittent reward system is what narcissists use with love bombing, making it hard for you to break free. If you want to know more about the three stages of a narcissistic relationship, check out my videos on Love Bombing, Devaluing, and Discarding.
So, when the narcissist knows that you know, they go back to love bombing to draw you in. You may think, “It’s not terrible all the time; sometimes it can be really good.” That’s how you end up staying in the toxic relationship longer than you should. Don’t beat yourself up over it; they are master manipulators.
The next thing narcissists do when they know that you know is try to triangulate and get in with people around you. They’ll start lining up their flying monkeys – getting close to others in your family, doing lovely things for them to make it seem like they’re wonderful. This empowers them to say, “You’re the only one who thinks there’s something wrong with me. Everyone else thinks I’m wonderful.” If you want to know more about narcissists’ favorite sayings, check out my video on Narcissists’ Favorite Sayings.
The best flying monkeys for them are people you love or trust because it makes you feel alone if they turn those people against you. This leads to the birth of a smear campaign, where they start bad-mouthing you and presenting themselves as victims. Covert narcissists are especially good at this, subtly implying that you’re the one who’s done wrong. They may even accuse you of things they’ve been doing to you.
The key to dealing with this is to set strict boundaries, avoid giving them narcissistic supplies, and understand that their smear campaign may not be easy to combat. Don’t fight every battle; focus on being the best version of yourself and let karma take its course.
Things NEVER To Do With Narcissists
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