They have that narcissistic injury, which is that fragile self that they have and once that scab is picked at then that narcissistic rage is just beneath that surface and that will come flying out and that can come flying out in a couple of different ways.
For an overt narcissist, you can see aggressive outbursts and depending on how overt they are, you can start to see stalking, or violence, or even threats of violence, threats of stalking, that sort of thing.
For a covert narcissist, they might be a little bit more passive-aggressive, they might make themselves into a victim, but that narcissistic rage will start to creep up and they start to be something different than what you might have seen in the past.
The heat will start to turn up and that is the first thing that you’ll see. The birth of the smear campaign can start to happen long before you start to perceive as the discard phase, sometimes you see the three main phases of a narcissistic relationship: it’s the love-bombing, the devaluing, and the discard. These phases are not linear, they go back and forth between these phases. When you are going to negotiate with the narcissist you must understand that, even in the negotiation phase, they will still go back and forth between these phases because they will want to rely on using these phases to see what will potentially work for them. With the love-bomb phase, don’t confuse love bombing with true love. Also, you will see the birth of that smear campaign potentially happening even before what you perceive the discard face to be.
They start embedding pieces of smearing long before the break-up happens. They might have started lining up flying monkeys or with their army of people by starting to say things against you and about you long before you realize there was even an issue because they realize you might discard them eventually or they may want to discard you eventually. They start getting people on their side and they start saying things about you, even long before. The flying monkey may not even realize they’re being recruited, and I think that that’s an important piece, that the flying monkey maybe is just being love-bombed by that narcissist too. They might just be oblivious to the whole situation too. The other thing that is important for you to understand as well, is that these phases are not necessarily just in intimate relationships, or romantic relationships, the narcissist uses these tactics and interacts the same way whether it’s a business relationship, a romantic relationship, neighbors, friends, family, whoever it is. They interact the same way regardless of who they are interacting with, or the type of relationship it is. When they start saying things about people long before the discard phase, they don’t necessarily even say, “Oh, that person is a bad person”, they might even say it in a way where the flying monkey might even think that they’re saying something in the spirit of caring. They might say something like, “Oh, I’m concerned for so and so, because they had too much to drink last night”, or “I’m concerned for so and so because of how they’re behaving”, or something like that, where it makes it seem like they’re worried about you, but they’re really embedding a smear, so, it seems like they’re a good person.
6 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact
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