And here’s the thing: when the narcissist can no longer control you, access you, target you, or manipulate you, they will work to manipulate everyone’s perception of you. They’ll work to manipulate how everybody sees you, what they think of you, and how they feel about you. And I’ve got to tell you, our job is to get to the place where we can rise above that and be absolutely unaffected. And I’ve walked that path in many areas of my life, not the least of which is with my sick family of origin. I’ve dealt with the kind of projection that these folks are capable of in my professional life; I’ve dealt with it romantically; and I’ve dealt with it with so-called friends as well as family. When they can no longer control you, manipulate you, exploit you, affect you, siphon your vital life force energy, or target you directly, they will work overtime to smear and assassinate your character. The reality is that this is the game they play. And I get it. Perhaps it’s daunting to conceive of the fact that this is what I’m going to have to be on the receiving end of. But I say better that you know in advance what to expect. Expect the worst-case scenario and do your work. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and protect yourself. In doing so, you’ll be less likely to be taken out by whatever the narcissist has to say, no matter who believes the bullshit.
And last but not least, when a narcissist realizes they lost you, and that you aren’t coming back for more, they will seek revenge. Somehow, somehow, they’ll find a way. If you’ve unfortunately put yourself in a position where these folks have any leverage or power over you in any way whatsoever, other than just being able to verbally assassinate your character and smear your reputation to whomever will listen, if they have any power or leverage over you at all again, if you have put yourself in the unfortunate position where they can actually come after you in any way in an attempt to seek revenge, when they realize that they can’t get through to you any other way, chances are good that they will look for opportunities to get even.
I mean, how dare you draw a line in the sand and say no more, right? No more abuse, no more bullying, no more lying, no more projecting, no more blame shifting, no more dirty little secrets or dirty big secrets, no more insults, no more criticism, no more deception, manipulation, or triangulation. How dare you say no more to all the crazy-making insanity that they bring to the table? So if they have the opportunity and they know that they can’t get anywhere with regards to breaking through that barrier of no contact that you’ve firmly established and aren’t going back on, it’s game over; we’re done. If they can seek revenge, they’re going to do that.
So know that in advance and do whatever you need to do to take away any leverage they might have, to take away that power, and to protect yourself and anyone else in your care from their attempts to seek revenge. Do it in advance. Get ahead of them in every possible way and stay there. In the end, you’ll be glad you did. And with that, I’m going to call it a wrap, but don’t stop now.
Conclusion
It can be a difficult and emotional experience when a narcissist realizes they have lost you. It is important to understand their motivations and how they may react. By being aware of their behaviors and setting strong boundaries, you can protect yourself from their manipulation. If you are struggling to cope with the aftermath of a narcissistic relationship, there are many resources available to help you heal and move on.
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