It’s their grandiosity that doesn’t allow them to be vulnerable enough to reconnect with you. Instead of thinking about all the things they miss about you and feeling pain, they think of all the things that can be weaponized against you—your emotions, your weaknesses, the people who can be sent across as flying monkeys, enablers who could somehow gaslight you into reaching out to the narcissist again. They don’t want to give up; they don’t want to bow before you. You need to understand that to them, this is a game of winning and losing, and they would never want to lose. That’s the reason why their relationships never work. They’re extremely rigid, and when you’re in a relationship, you have to compromise. Without compromise, no relationship can ever work. But they want only one person to compromise, and that’s you.
They expect you to give up your pain. They expect you to forget that they hurt you, act like nothing happened, and play a game with them—a disgusting game that they always win. You’re expected not to complain. When a narcissist misses you, they don’t miss the actual you, the real person, because they don’t know you for who you are. They miss the fantasy version of you, the idealized version of you. They miss the things they got from you—how they felt protected in your presence, how you gave them attention, how you took care of them. They miss all the things they could extract from you back then, and that is what creates a shift in their mood. That’s when they think, “Oh, I need to reach out to this person because I can’t live without them.” They gaslight themselves into thinking they actually miss you, when in reality, they are missing nothing but chaos. They’re missing nothing but control over you. They’re missing nothing but the abusive cycle they kept repeating without changing. What they’re missing is torturing you.
They might send flying monkeys to you. They don’t have the humility to say, “I made mistakes. I miss you. Please forgive me. I’m ready to make the compromise. I’m ready to make the necessary changes to make this thing work.” They might send their mother or manufacture a crisis. You might get a phone call from a random number telling you that someone has had a heart attack and you need to show up at the hospital. Their sibling may call you and say, “Oh, so-and-so hasn’t eaten for days. They’re not doing well. You need to show up, you need to talk to them, or else something bad is going to happen.” That’s how they weaponize your empathy against you. That’s why I call them sympathy vampires.
Weird Mannerisms of People Abused By Narcissists
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