You are required to either be in complete denial about the reality of this family or at least act as if you are in denial about what this family is really about. Narcissistic families are superficial, a phony act at best; there isn’t any genuine love or respect in these families. Instead, they are full of contempt, envy, abuse, and misery. except that family members are required to either be in denial about this reality or at least fake it and behave as if they have no clue what’s really going on.
Next rule: Rage is accepted and normalized.
As we all know, most narcissists have narcissistic rages quite frequently; these rages are expected to be accepted without question and tolerated completely, even if they are directed at you. Rage isn’t as accepted or expected in these families, and no matter how upset and distraught the raged narcissist makes you, when the rage is over, the narcissist expects you to be over it as well and not have a problem with the fact that you were verbally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically assaulted.
When the rage was over, my father would say to me, “Go wash your face,” because I was usually crying so hard, but I knew what he meant. It meant it was over, and he felt better. Therefore, I better get myself together and act as if it never happened.
Another rule in narcissistic families is to take sides.
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