Next, narcissists will use “minimizing” what they have done to try and convince you that you are making a way, way, way bigger deal about whatever it is that they have done than is reasonable or necessary. Essentially, they are going to tell you that you’re way too sensitive, and you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Many times they will say nobody’s sensible, nobody who has any logic would think whatever you did is as bad as you were trying to make it whatever it is that they have done than is reasonable or necessary. Essentially, they are going to tell you that you’re way too sensitive, and you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Many times they will say nobody’s sensible, nobody who has any logic would think whatever you did is as bad as you were trying to make it. And this will confuse an empathetic person because you actually care about being fair; you actually care about not being unreasonable, and no one knows this more than the narcissist. They are going to manipulate your core personality and character traits against you. They are going to use pity plays and guilt to make you think you are somehow way out of line for having a reaction and that what they did really isn’t any big deal, which of course isn’t true. That’s a trick and a manipulation tactic they know they are using on you to escape accountability.
Another very common manipulation strategy narcissists use to escape accountability for their lies and abuse is “stonewalling”. This is an abuse technique where they either refuse to speak to you about whatever they did, they may completely ignore the fact that you are standing right in front of them and speaking to them about this topic, they may leave or walk out of the room, shutting you out, or they may even act as if you are completely invisible, refusing to acknowledge your presence at all. Essentially, it’s a refusal to engage with you in any way to talk about what they did. Usually, over time, this will wear the recipient completely down until eventually they just give up, which, of course, is exactly what the narcissist wants because it allows them to completely escape accountability for what they have done.
Another really common strategy that narcissists use is blame-shifting, and it’s very effective if the victim is unaware that this is happening to them. Blame-shifting is where the narcissist blames you for being the reason they did what they did. Essentially, they are admitting they did whatever they are being accused of, but they are assigning the reason they did what they did to you, the victim. For example, if you caught the narcissist cheating, they might say that they wouldn’t have had to cheat if you hadn’t gained so much weight. Or if you caught the narcissist in a lie, they might say, “Yes, sure, they lied, but only because they had to because you’re so insecure and crazy. They had no choice but to lie to you.” Again, this is very successful if you don’t know what they are really doing here. It’s incredibly successful at getting the actual victim to believe they are the reason the narcissist did this terrible thing, and once again, they are completely off the hook.
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