They do destroy you – bits and pieces at at a time. They are always pushing your buttons triggering you. It’s brainwashing. You believe, eventually, that you deserve the abuse. So you stay and endure it, because if the narcissist won’t have you, surely nobody will.
One thing almost always plays out. You will stay until it hurts more to stay then to go. This is never a sharp line in the sand. on average you will run back into the burning building several times before the pain of leaving trumps the pain of staying..
You have traded the pain of living with a narcissist for the pain of living without them. At least this has a end, and a light at the end of the tunnel.
People, your family and friends, are often fed stories about you by the narcissist, and the “hell,” that the Narc supposedly endured trying to be with you. They often play the hero/victim role to the hilt, often starting to break down your support group long before the breakup. They discredit your words before you break silence, effectively cutting off any support you may get before you even ask.
If you managed to escape that, you’re still not out of the woods. Often, none of your family or friends never understand what you have been through, the damage done. They think you’ve overreacted and just need to shake it off and you’re invalidated all over again! This is not just a breakup, it is a escape from destruction will never be understand. Just calm down, they say! We wish it were that easy. Traditional counseling often sought after a ‘normal’ breakup, does not come near to adequately treating this kind of trauma.
But recovery will happen, in it’s own way, over time. Conscious effort is required to speed up the process. You will eventually start having good moments, then good days, then good weeks, then a good life. Recovery comes in waves, all bad at first, then your catch a few good waves. Eventually the good wave takes over, but be prepared to let a occasional bad wave pass over you.
If you’ve never been through narcissistic abuse, you’ll never understand it. If you have, you’ve been to hell and back.
Personal note:
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