The assassination of who you used to be, demeaned and shamed into submission continues but never in front of people. They would never treat you this way, with people around, another smoke screen. Their public image is all important and is carefully groomed. None of the horrors will happen when company calls. No one will believe the narcissist is capable of the abusive behavior you endure daily.
After it has gone on way too long your self esteem is gone, emotional stability impossible. Depression sets in and God knows what else. Mental afflictions including nervous breakdowns, PTSD, anxiety and stress, stress, stress can lead to physical health issues. Health issues including, gastric and skin issues, autoimmune complications, cardiovascular problems and other ailments are commonplace.
You are always defending yourself, you become hyper-vigilant. You never know when the next attack is coming or what form it will take. But it is coming.
You get rays of hope from the Narcissist acts of kindness, just enough to keep you engaged and stuck in place. You get treated better for a while, but just enough to keep you hoping and keep you in the game. It is generally after a particularly brutal beat down when the narcissist may think they pushed you too hard, then things get sugar coated.
If the belittling and tormenting are not bad enough, you may get the silent treatment, which can seem the worst part of the abuse, ignored, left alone, diminished by silence. It breaks your will and your heart. This kind of cruelty you have to experience to understand.
You will never feel more alone being alone than you will being in a relationship with a narcissist, your feelings of isolation will consume you.
You go to the very person tormenting you for relief, surely their love and empathy for your wellbeing once evoked will changes things for the better. it never occurs to you that you just turned your defensive plans over to your worst enemy. Now it is known how well their attacks have been and where to attack next.
Soon, your self-esteem is shattered; you’re totally shattered and dependent on the narcissist. You feel you can’t live without them, and yet you are dependent on someone hell-bent on destroying you. You do not expect someone who is supposed to have your best interests at heart to want to destroy you. This can’t be real.
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