Red flag number four: Perception manipulation. If you encounter anyone in any area of your life who is working really hard to control or manipulate your perception, that is a huge red flag. They may be working to control your perception of them. They’re working real hard. They’re working overtime to convince you of what an amazing human being they are, how much they’ve done for their family, friends, humanity, whatever it may be. But the point being, it’s very clear that they’re working really, really hard to convince you, to sell you, to manipulate your perception and how you see them. They may also work really hard to manipulate and control your perception of others. Again, this is a huge red flag and telltale sign that you may be dealing with someone who lands on the spectrum of destructive narcissism.
Relatively healthy people have nothing to prove. They show up as who they are, take it or leave it, and they don’t have to spend a lot of energy selling themselves, convincing you, attempting to manipulate and control your perception of them. And they certainly aren’t in the business of manipulating and controlling your perception of anyone else. They’ve got better things to do with their energy and their time. So, again, this is a huge red flag. Anyone who’s trying to manipulate your perception of either themselves or anyone else, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with someone who, at the very least, has narcissistic traits, if not actually lands on the spectrum of destructive narcissism.
And last but not least, red flag number five: they trash talk their exes and anyone else who happens to not be in the room. If you suspect you’re dealing with someone with a destructive narcissistic personality pattern, pay close attention to what they say about their ex. Two things are true here: it’s likely a full confession of what they in fact did to their ex, and you’re next given the chance. In fact, in any area of your life, when you encounter someone whose modus operandi is to speak negatively about, criticize, condemn, diminish, demean, or disclose deeply personal details about another, details that any decent human being would never say out loud, know this: when they’re doing that to whoever happens to be absent at the time and they show you more than once that this is who they are, you, my friend, are dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists are toxic gossips. They’re always looking for the person to speak negatively about, typically very much behind their backs, smiling to their face while stabbing them in the back the moment they’re out of your shot or out of the room. Healthy people don’t behave this way. You fully have to be lacking in empathy and conscience to go through life conducting yourself in this fashion. You really do.
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