The first thing you want to do when it comes to spotting a narcissist before they do any damage is to step out of denial. And what I mean by that is it’s time now that we understand and accept that evil exists on this planet and like it or not, to a certain degree, has actually permeated the consciousness of the human race through all manner of brainwashing and manipulation, as well as generational trauma and other tactics perpetrated on the masses for millennia. Sound sinister, sound negative? So be it. It’s the truth, it’s reality, and the sooner we get our head out of the sand, the sooner we can stop being hurt, harmed, and exploited by those who do not have your good heart nor your good intent.
Here’s the thing: false positivity, naivete, denial, and wishful thinking are what get us into the mess of narcissistic abuse to begin with. Telling ourselves the truth about what we’re dealing with, both individually and collectively, is a massively important first step to changing the game, healing for real, and stepping into true freedom and lasting peace. No matter how uncomfortable, no matter how inconvenient, no matter how unpopular, and no matter how painful, dropping the denial is necessary. Running from, denying, and hiding from the truth is not going to get you where you want to be.
I can tell you, in my own healing and recovery process, specifically with regard to being cast as the family scapegoat in a very sick, dysfunctional, and highly narcissistic family of origin, this was the key and most pivotal turning point for me. The cornerstone that was foundational in my ability to experience real healing, lasting peace, and absolute freedom.
If you have a pattern of attracting one destructive narcissist after another, I promise you that your greatest weaknesses are your denial and naivete. You have a total lack of understanding as to who the enemy is and what their tactics are, and often this manifests in all the ways in which we project our own virtue onto people who do not carry the same. Sometimes, you need to stop seeing the good in people, or better yet, the good you’re projecting onto them, and simply start seeing them for what they’re showing you instead. Then, tell yourself the truth about what you see, feel, and hear based on your personal experience of the situation. That will get you a whole lot further than denial and fake positivity ever will.
Now, with all of that said, once you’ve stepped out of denial, here are five major red flags to be on the lookout for when it comes to spotting a narcissist before they hurt and exploit you:
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