Many survivors of narcissistic abuse get frustrated with the policy of going no contact because it is not always possible, especially in cases where the narcissist you are dealing with is your co-parent, a parent you cannot let go of, your boss, a colleague, a friend, or someone else you cannot completely cut off. So, how do you deal with such a situation? The truth is, you have to deal with them in one way or another. What is the best strategy to minimize abuse, protect yourself, and shut them down?
Let’s get started with understanding and unraveling this strict strategy. The strict strategy stands for Setting unshakable, unbreakable, and extreme boundaries. Narcissists see boundaries as a challenge, something they have to break one way or another because it’s all about an ego battle for them. There is no cooperation or mutual understanding. There is no respect for you at all. It’s all about winning; it’s a war for them. When you try to set boundaries or say, “I don’t want this,” or “I don’t want that,” they won’t care. They will target the point where it hurts the most. So, you have to set extreme boundaries.
What does that look like? You have to be clear, extremely clear. You have to dig in the line, not just draw it. You have to say, “This is my area, this is my space, this is who I am, this is my identity, this is my truth, this is my reality, and that is yours. No trespassing is allowed.” You must be very careful not to leave them any space to exploit these boundaries. There should be no loopholes at all. You must set consequences if they break your boundaries, violate you, trespass, or do something they shouldn’t. There should be clear, firm, very strong consequences.
Let’s say it’s your narcissistic parent who always ridicules you, your choices, your career, your romantic life, and so on. You have to be very clear and say, “If you do this or say this one more time, we are done.” And when they do it, you have to be done with them, no matter what they do or say about you to others. Even if they pretend to be a victim or have a heart attack, you have to tolerate the distress that creates in your body, but you have to be done. If it’s a co-parent who belittles you, you have to use that and maybe file a motion or make them face the consequences. You have to be quite clear, cutthroat, blatant, and to the point, leaving no room for them to exploit you.
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