GASLIGHTING TYPES, PHASES & PHRASES: Don't Fall for these Gaslighting Tactics

You know, if they get caught doing something that they shouldn’t have been doing, it’s going to be your fault. It’s going to be your fault that they did it. It’s going to be your fault that they cheated. It’s going to be your fault that they hid something from you because you can’t handle it. If they told you, you wouldn’t be able to handle it. So it’s really your fault. I would have been honest. If you were more emotionally stable.

The fifth phrase that you’ll hear from a gas lighter is that you’re broken.

You’re broken, but, you know, it’s not your fault. You know, you had a rough childhood, but you can’t handle things, or you’re emotionally unstable, or they’ll tell you that you’re not whole, and it’s a lie. It is absolutely a lie because it benefits them to have you believe that. We all have issues; don’t get me wrong. And we could all benefit from working on that. But if somebody is pointing out your faults, especially when all of these other things are present, if somebody feels the need to constantly remind you that you have stuff you need to work on, they’re probably doing it for a reason. And that reason would be to make you feel insecure, to make you feel like you’re not enough—that you have all this stuff, that you’ve got all this baggage. And you’re not enough on your own. Along with that, you might often hear that nobody’s going to love you. Um, you know, you’re lucky I put up with you that sort of thing. And I hear this sometimes from people who are victims of emotional abuse, too.

The sixth phrase you might hear from a gaslighter is that this is why nobody likes you.

Now, something like this or this is why people don’t want to be around you. What they’re doing is kind of like triangulation, right? They’re saying this other person over here doesn’t like you. And in most cases, it’s not true. And even if they heard something to make them think that, that’s probably their interpretation of what they heard. And it’s not necessarily reality. And if they’re saying that’s why no one likes you, then you know that’s not true. But this one is very effective because it uses other people. It’s gaslighting. And it’s kind of like, without other people’s permission or consent, they’re getting other people in on it. They’re getting other people in on this gaslighting. And they’re getting into your head and getting you to think that other people feel the same way that your abuser does. And that, unfortunately, can be very powerful if you’re in a situation like this. And if you’re hearing these phrases and you’re consistently understanding that this is abuse, it’s not you. So the seventh and my favorites are not really favorites.