The first phrase that gaslighters use is super common: you’re too sensitive.
Everything bothers you. You make a big deal out of everything. And you know, it’s possible that people can make big deals out of nothing. You know that that could happen. You know, sometimes we’re even guilty of doing that. But when this is present in an emotionally abusive relationship and when gaslighting is present and consistent, it’s usually used to get the person to get the target to back down because what they’re trying to get you to back down from actually is a big deal. You know, it could be something like cheating or lying about finances, and they’ll take a little kernel of it and say, Well, there’s just this little thing and you’re making a big deal out of it, but it really is a very big issue. And so when you hear that, when you hear you’re too sensitive, you start thinking about, Well, I’m too sensitive compared to who, you know, am I too sensitive compared to everyone? Does everyone think that about me? Do I make a big deal about everything in my life or are other people just not telling me this? You start comparing yourself to other people because you’re being told that your feelings are inappropriate.
The second common phrase you’ll hear from the gaslighter is I never. I said that, or I don’t know. I don’t recall ever saying that.
Again, this is one where this is kind of how they get away with it because people forget things, right? You’ve forgotten saying things, right? It’s believable. You could believe that somebody would forget something, but when you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship with somebody who’s gaslighting you, this is consistent. And it seems almost selective. It seems like they have a very selective memory. They’ll remember all these other things, but never remember when something comes up around this specific topic. I don’t know. I don’t remember saying that, or I don’t remember. That happening. It’s like they have selective amnesia, and that gets you questioning whether you can trust your memory. Well, maybe I’m remembering it wrong, and they might even tell you you’re remembering it wrong.
The third common phrase that a gaslighter will use is I’m not angry when they clearly are angry. *
This happens a lot with stonewalling and the silent treatment. And it could also happen. The abusive person is yelling and getting angrier and angrier. And you can see it. You can clearly see it with your own eyes. This form of gaslighting makes you question Well, you know, I know what I’m seeing, but why aren’t you telling me that it’s wrong? And this one, I think, is not quite as effective as the others because you get into patterns where you see it happening, and then you’ll eventually find out that the person, yes, indeed, is angry, and you’ll eventually find out why. So that kind of confirms what you believed. So I think this phrase of gaslighting is not as effective as some of the others, but you will commonly hear it from people who use various different forms of gaslighting.
How Narcissists Manage Those They Cannot Manipulate
The fourth phrase that you will commonly hear from gas lighters is that it’s all your fault.
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