Obviously, we don’t want to poke the bear and go looking for trouble unnecessarily. Especially when we’re dealing with people with a high spectrum narcissistic personality disorder or anyone else who has the potential to lash out violently. Igniting narcissistic rage in the narcissist is never a good idea, and should be avoided to the best of your ability.
That said, assuming everyone is safe, and assuming that you are dealing with classic emotionally abusive narcissists who do not have the potential to become physically violent and/or dangerous, there are a few things you can do to cause the person with low-mid range narcissism to lose their mind, with the main goal being two accomplish two things:
A) Take your power back
B) Make you a much less appealing target for narcissistic abuse
Once you’ve communicated these ten things in your narcissist relationship, you can then get about the business of narcissistic abuse healing and narcissistic abuse recovery from narcissistic abuse syndrome.
THAT is how you take your power back and put a stop to the pain of narcissistic abuse permanently.
- Refusing to engage or fighting back
Narcissists need intensity, chaos, drama, and a target—someone to project all of their deeply buried guilt and shame onto, right? When you refuse to engage, when you refuse to fight back, when all of their chaos, drama, criticism, verbal attacks, projections of all of their, again, deeply buried subconscious, self-loathing, shame, guilt, all of that… When that’s coming at you and all of it is met with a complete flat line, non-emotion, non-reactivity, a complete blank stare, their stuff has nowhere to land; they have nowhere to project all of that garbage onto, therefore they can’t unburden themselves, which is typically what’s really going on.
They need to unburden themselves from the load they carry subconsciously predominantly onto a chosen target, onto someone else, so when you refuse to get into the ring with them, to roll around in the mud with them, when you refuse to engage or fight back, that shite coming at you has nowhere to land and tends to land somewhere over there instead. And all of a sudden, the narcissist realizes they are powerless over you. And nothing will drive a narcissist crazy; nothing will cause a narcissist to lose their mind faster than realizing they are powerless over you. Powerless to manipulate you, powerless to affect you, powerless to control you, powerless.
- Demonstrating that you don’t care:
Not just with words, but with action, behavior, and every choice you make. When you show a narcissist that their opinion has zero sway over you, that their antics, control dramas, power dynamics, toxic gossip, loyalty conflicts, perceptions they’re busy creating, perceptions they’re busy trying to manipulate and control, all the nonsense that they’ve got going on—can you imagine going through life like that? In any event, when you show them that you couldn’t care less, that you’re completely unaffected, not the slightest bit interested or bothered in any way, that kind of blows their mind a little, maybe a lot.
The truth is, they don’t know what to do with that. When you’re busy living your life, or better yet, living a good life—really happy, productive, thriving, feeling good, doing well, doing you, just minding your own business—and the narcissist can see that you’re not the least bit interested in or curious about them, what they’ve got going on, what they’re going through, what they’ve been through, any other nonsense has zero effect, and you couldn’t care less about it. That causes a narcissist to lose their mind.
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