Big Boy Pants:
We’ve got to be big boys and big girls, put on our big boy pants and our big girl pants, and say, “Look, this is what I’m doing.” I’m acting like a crazy person. I’m acting in a completely irrational way. I’m still contacting this person. Okay, so what do they make you do in Alcoholics Anonymous and any drug recovery? You have to stand up and go, ” Hi, I’m Richard, and I am addicted to continuing to make contact with my ex-girlfriend because I can’t make the distinction because of the crazy-making communication that went on for months and years about who she is, and the thought that I’ve abandoned somebody who’s vulnerable and is now suffering because of my abandoning her is delivering massive loads of pity to her internally, which then manifests guilt for me to carry.
Crazy Communication:
Crazy-making communication can make us feel guilty and go back to our ex, thinking we’re doing it for the right reasons, such as in case of an emergency. However, if they have a real emergency, they can call the police or someone else, not you. Fragile, vulnerable narcissists use our good nature against us, which can be exhausting over time. I believe they’re more damaging in the long run because their targets never really know them. Many of us, myself included, have likely dealt with someone who would clinically be classified as a fragile or vulnerable narcissist, which is why we’re driven crazy by the cognitive dissonance of seeing two different versions of the person. To move on with our lives, we need to collapse those versions into one and acknowledge that the mean things they did are part of who they are as adults.
Leave a Comment