Today, I am going to share with you a technique used by covert or vulnerable narcissists, which is their special crazy-making weapon to abuse their targets. To understand this weapon, you need to understand a little bit about the personality structure that comes with it. While we may refer to them as “covert” online, in the literature, they are often described as “fragile” or “vulnerable” to emphasize their difference from the previously defined narcissistic personality disorder—the grandiose narcissist.
These vulnerable narcissists are not the alpha males or females at the top of their class; they are fragile, promote feelings of vulnerability, and often cycle between elation and depletion. It is important to understand their fragility because their weapon will only work if it comes from this particular structure. So, within 30 seconds, how would we define somebody who is functioning from a fragile narcissistic personality structure or strategy? They are someone who constantly cycles between elation and depletion, unlike the grandiose narcissist, who has a ready supply of narcissistic supply. The fragile and vulnerable narcissist is constantly failing to get that supply; they get it, lose it, and cycle between elation and depletion, making them more moody than the grandiose narcissist. You will see them cry, appear fragile and vulnerable, apologize, and say sorry, but ultimately, they are only cycling as they try to regain a position of power.
Power over others:
Everything about this personality disorder is all about power over others. The power of the grandiose narcissist might be to bully or reward you, and it is done in a direct, yang-style manner. You will see it coming: “Do as you’re told or else you’re going to get smacked,” or “Do as you’re told, and you’ll get the good thing that you want,” because they have power. That’s a classic grandiose narcissist. The fragile or covert narcissist, on the other hand, doesn’t have power, so they manipulate. This is why “covert” is such a popular way of describing them because they can’t be direct. They have to be indirect due to their lack of power and their fragile structure. This means that they have to be intensely manipulative, which brings us to their favorite crazy-making weapon of choice.
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