In a narcissistic relationship, you are forced to act out of character. You are compelled to do things you would never otherwise do because the narcissist pushes you to your limits. Out of survival, you may engage in certain actions that are not aligned with your moral code, values, and moral system. That’s why many survivors feel guilt about their behavior and start questioning whether they might be the narcissist in the situation.
1. Hoovering
Number one: hoovering. When you’re trauma-bonded to a narcissist, you are essentially addicted to their presence. They become the source of your pain, but quite ironically, they also become the source of your relief. It’s not the person that you want back; it is how they make you feel when acting nice. It is the relief, the relaxation, and the calmness that you want to feel in their presence. So, you chase it, and that messes up you cognitively. You start thinking, “There is no way out of this for me. I am hopeless. I have to go back; otherwise, I won’t exist anymore.” Out of sheer helplessness, you might do some things that can be labeled as toxic but not narcissistic. You might start displaying behavior similar to hoovering: stalking their social media pages, checking their WhatsApp, trying to find out if they have moved on with somebody else, what’s going on in their life, and so on. All of this can create confusion and pain, leading you to question yourself, “Am I like them? Am I the narcissist in this situation?” However, there’s a major difference. When a narcissist hoovers, they do it with the intention of getting you back. They don’t feel helpless; they just want control back. You, on the other hand, seek love and connection, and your behavior is driven by pain, not a desire for control.
2. Screaming, Yelling & Shouting
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