Reason 3: They constantly try to prove themselves.
Contrary to what narcissists pretend to be. They constantly need to prove themselves by getting other people’s attention and winning their admiration, adulation, and acceptance. They can’t stand being ignored because it triggers a life-threatening shame that could completely shatter the illusion of being seen as someone special, better than everyone else, a perfect being that needs no one. The moment you ignore them or do not act the way they want you to, you are attacked for making them feel less important. Your noncompliance is seen as a form of disloyalty and disrespect. They become extremely aggressive and do not stop until they teach you a lesson for not being the perfect supply they wanted you to be. The reality is that a narcissist will never accept that they live through others or that they are dependent on others more than a codependent is. That is why I prefer to call narcissists mutated co-dependents. They depend more on your approval than you do on theirs, but they want you to think otherwise.
Reason 4: They feel pressured to appear perfect.
Deep down, narcissists feel chronic shame and inadequacy because they have no real sense of self. That is why they always require constant validation from people to keep those feelings at bay and to hide their shame and inadequacy. They maintain their delusions of grandeur and appear to be flawless. They try to be perfect by being extremely controlling, but reality doesn’t work that way. Nothing is perfect, and neither can we be. The things we do are imperfectly perfect, and that is okay. The narcissist can’t accept that, though. They get crazy over the fact that something or someone can’t be as perfect as they want it to be. They can’t accept the fact that they can’t make it perfect. Therefore, they set standards for themselves and you, which both of you eventually fail to achieve. And that is their narcissistic injury. They push or punish you to keep trying. More is never enough. They are unaware slaves to their own doings but deludedly believe others are responsible for everything that happens in their lives.
Reason 5: They cannot handle criticism.
Narcissists cannot handle any form of real or perceived criticism. It is their kryptonite. It brings all the suppressed shame to the surface, and they feel they are losing control as a reaction to their internal shame response. They try to control the external environment, of which you are the biggest part, and they do so through animalistic and uncontrolled aggression. Upon perceiving the criticism, they become their monstrous selves. They try their level best to hide and keep away from other people’s eyes. They rage and destroy everything and anything they can. If impulsivity also kicks in, they become even more destructive. My father is an example of this. Any time he felt he was being criticized when he was not, he would break things and hit us, and then we would have to beg at his feet to stop. But he still would not give up. He did not give a damn. There was no empathy or remorse. In a nutshell, when a narcissist feels that they have been criticized or receive negative feedback, they react, and their reaction is quite ugly.
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