Let’s talk about 11 ways to recognize a covert narcissist.
Number one, every time you see them, you are literally held hostage to their long-winded story about all the ways they have most recently been hurt, harmed, abandoned, betrayed, let down, and, you guessed it, victimized. The family, the relationship, the work environment, and the friend that they absolutely refuse to cut ties with or maintain contact with continue to serve their never-ending victim story. And they continue to put their hands up for more and volunteer for more.
Why? because they are so deeply identified with being victims. It’s literally their favorite source of narcissistic supply. Oh, woe is me! Can’t you see how hard I’ve had it? Can’t you see how hard I’ve had it? Can’t you see how badly I’ve been treated? How badly am I being treated? while doing absolutely nothing, nothing, nada, to affect real or lasting change in their life. Why? because they like it. They like it a lot.
Number two, they work double time to convince you and everyone else just how good, kind, generous, and altruistic they are. For example, they could post regularly about all their good deeds and philanthropic endeavors and all the good things that they’ve done for this one, that one, and everyone else. including feeding the hungry and the homeless.
Now here’s the thing about this: Healthy people don’t need to do this. They can actually do a good thing and leave it at that without feeling compelled to broadcast it across the interwebs or every time they open their mouth, looking for applause and accolades, right? A covert narcissist, however, cannot help themselves. They literally need the hit or fix of narcissistic supply that the applause gives them.
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