But it’s essentially the narcissist using other people to triangulate, to make you feel a certain way about yourself or your situation. Clearly, comments like “no one likes you,” which can sometimes be very detailed, are an attempt to attack your self-worth. Unfortunately, this tends to be pretty effective. And here’s a comment from someone who has experience with these very lies: “Wow, my boyfriend says all of these. The one where they say no one loves you or nobody likes you; nobody wants to be around you. That really hurts. Ever since he first said these hurtful things, I’ve known he was a piece of poo that didn’t respect me. But I never left, and years later, I’m trapped.”
With this, I’ll say to be wary of anyone who feels the need to convince you that they’re trustworthy. People prove that they’re trustworthy through their actions, not their words.
Another lie that all narcissists tell is, “This is all your fault.” Really, this speaks to the blame-shifting that goes on so often in these relationships. The problem is that if you self-reflect when things get ugly, you may have played a role in it. If you’re used to taking responsibility for everything, you’re likely to take on that responsibility when somebody is blaming you. But when you see a pattern where nothing is ever their fault and it’s always your fault, there’s probably a whole lot of blame-shifting going on. What that means is that this is a lie. So this comment really shows how fed up you can get with all that blame-shifting once you’re finally done with the narcissist: “I don’t even listen when she calls me anymore. It’s all just bait, gaslighting, and blame-shifting. She calls, and I just put down the phone until she’s done. It’s sometimes an hour-long phone call, and I have no idea what she said.”
And I know some of you might just say this person should go without contact, but we don’t know the situation. We shouldn’t be quick to tell other people how to live their lives. But here’s another comment that highlights the level of manipulation that some of you are really dealing with: “She cheated, and I apologized. How messed up is that?” So apparently, she made this commenter believe that it was their fault she cheated. But that’s never the case. We all have to take responsibility for our actions. So it sounds like this commenter realized that it wasn’t their fault, and I hope that’s the case.
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