Contrary to popular belief, narcissists do miss you, but they miss certain things about you. They do not process it in their brain the same way you process missing them. A lot goes on in their heads, which we will discuss in today’s episode.
What do you do when you miss someone? When you miss somebody, you obviously try to find ways to reach out, reconnect, and tell the person that you miss them and would like to see or talk to them. But when a narcissist misses you, they do not do any of these things. They do not miss you; they miss all the feelings they felt because of you. I’m talking about all the supply: attention, admiration, validation, adoration, and even the negativity they created in your life. They miss the power and control but are not humble enough to come to you and vulnerably say, “I miss you. I feel weak and just want to be with you. I want to depend on you.” They do not do any of this; they do the opposite.
When a narcissist notices your absence, a thought pops up in their head. This thought does not push them to find ways to connect with you directly. Instead, their demonic, destructive, disordered brain takes over and starts looking for ways to reach out in unacceptable ways—to stalk you, to make you come begging and crawling so that they can bestow upon you their “blessings” of being with you again. Their grandiosity prevents them from being vulnerable enough to reconnect with you. Instead of thinking about the things they miss about you and feeling pain, they think of all the things that can be weaponized against you—your emotions, your weaknesses, and the people who can be sent as flying monkeys to gaslight you into reaching out to the narcissist again.
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