Narcissistic abuse is an attack on everything that is you, an attempt to totally disasemble and scramble who you are. Any good feelings you have about yourself, your place in the world, and your relationships are simply not allowed and will be severed completely from you, stripped away in the most painful way possible. Your pain is a salve that sooths and cools the narcissist’s inner termoil. Hurting you is a comfort to the narcissist, so it may evolve and revolve, but it will never end. Feelings of worthlessness will be instilled with surgical precision. It’s the projection of a narcissist’s true self, a truth that would crumble them into dust if faced. When successfully instilled, you have become the vessel that carries the putrid core of the self-loathing, self-condemning, toxic interworking of the narcissist’s mind that they dare not ever admit even exists. Thusly externalized and infused into you, this contamination can be safely attacked and destroyed; your demise and complete destruction are just part of the process. Don’t take it personal; it was never about you; you are not even playing the game; you were never that important and could never have been that important. The narcissist is playing the game with themselves, the only real person on the planet. No one else matters. No one’s feelings matter. You were never more than a game piece, an object to be placed or discarded at the whim and will of the narcissist.
You don’t even reconize it as abuse, and will eventually accept you deserve it.
It is like a slow-working poison; you don’t feel quite right but cannot put your finger on it. It starts out slow; you don’t even recognize it as abuse. But it takes a few bites out of you, and you’re not quite sure why you feel uncomfortable. But you’re in a safe place, so your defenses are down. Get ready for that golden relationship you have always dreamed of. You need to stay focused, so you brush it off.
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