For these reasons, if you are still dealing with a narcissist or if you are living with one, pretend to be suffering and struggling if that is what the narcissist wants from you. We call it conscious fawning. It’s a tactic that you can use in situations where the narcissist is constantly trying to destroy your life and they want to see you suffer. By doing so, you will avoid unnecessary attention, and you can give them false satisfaction that, “Yeah, I’m struggling now. Leave me alone, if that is what you wanted.” However, be very cautious with this technique, for it cannot be applied or used in all situations. You have to analyze the narcissist you’re dealing with, what they want from you, and then decide if this is applicable to you or not.
If you are dealing with such a monster in a narcissistic co-parenting situation, then stay low-key. Separate your world from theirs. Do not share your achievements with them. Yes, record them for documentation purposes, but do not share with them, only for showing them how amazing you are. You indeed are amazing. You are a dual parent. You are the father as well as the mother. However, you cannot share anything with them because they will destroy it. They will find a way to ruin it for you. Keep it to yourself. Stay low-key. Play your game. Know what pushes their buttons, and if need be, push those buttons only to protect yourself. Use their narcissistic traits against them. And one way to do that in this context would be just do better. When they will see you doing better, they may want to keep up with you, and that will pressure them to play along. Let them see, but do not show. That’s what I would say you should follow.
This article also answers one of the most commonly asked questions: Can you ever be happy with a narcissist? Of course not. Why? Because they won’t
let you be happy. And if you ever try to be happy, they will destroy it. They will steal it away. They cannot stand watching you flourish. That said, keep that in mind, embody it, and then understand that there is no way also to be happy while living separately in the same house. You cannot, as I said, they’re merchants of chaos. They may not say or do anything; their presence is heavy and evil enough to suck joy out of your life. The moment you talk to them, it’s very you. When you start feeling depressed, naturally, their energy is that low.
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