7 Early Warning Signs of a Narcissistic Partner

While some narcissists may tell you that they’re a narcissist or a toxic person, other narcissists may tell you that they are the best person in the whole entire world, a flawless human being. So they may tell you about all of their amazing qualities and act oh so much better than everyone else. And of course, because they’re so perfect, they are entitled to sit in their ivory tower and throw stones at all the lowly peasants beneath them. So right off the bat, you may notice that they are dismissive, demanding, and condescending, not likely towards you at first, but notice how they talk about and how they treat other people. Do they talk as though everyone in the world is an idiot, a narcissist, an abuser? If so, it’s a huge red flag. When they are painting themselves with a perfect brush and almost everyone else is painted as a villain or painted black, when they are always in the right and they feel like they’re more deserving than other people, expecting everyone to bend over backwards and lick the bottom of their shoes, beware. And because they feel so entitled and superior, you might notice almost right off the bat that they don’t feel like the rules apply to them or that certain people don’t deserve their consideration or respect. You may notice that their time and their convenience are far more important than anyone else’s, including yours. For example, they may cancel dates at the last minute, they may arrive late with lame or no excuses, or they might change the plans because it’s what suits them better. Keep in mind that a covert narcissist may not act entitled in the same ways as a grandiose narcissist. Instead, they may constantly complain about minor issues and expect you and other people to make extreme efforts to listen to them and to rectify these trivial things. Or another example is they might act like a martyr, having selflessly sacrificed themselves to serve and help others, acting like they are above morally, emotionally, or spiritually. This facade of humility and portraying themselves as deeply spiritual or emotionally advanced or as giving and generous is going to be the basis of asserting their superiority and entitlement.

Number three is the victim-hero dynamic.

This is a giant red flag that everyone should be aware of. In the case of a covert narcissist, they will paint themselves the victim of circumstance, never ever responsible for anything that’s gone wrong in their lives, no accountability. And initially, they will see you as their rescuer, as their savior. They want you to validate their victim stance and offer grand promises to be the solution to all of their problems, positioning you as the potential hero. But inevitably, you will disappoint them, and you will be cast as the villain. Soon, they will become anxious, depressed, disgruntled, and they will blame you for failing them. The grandiose narcissist, on the other hand, tends to do the opposite. They will paint themselves the hero that’s coming to save you. They will come off looking like they’ve got it all together, and maybe in some ways, they do. They might have a great job, lots of money, maybe a powerful circle of superficial relationships, so on the first dates with a grandiose narcissist, you might feel more like you’re back in grade one in a show-and-tell class. They want to showcase their achievements, their possessions, and they will promise you the moon, making you feel so important but also indebted to them. And as you inevitably fail to uphold their extremely fragile ego, they will become more and more disappointed in you. They will become agitated, disinterested, and demeaning, and they will reneg on all of the promises that they made and blame you for that and start looking for someone new and better than you to shower with all of their greatness.