A narcissist attacks your self-esteem through constant criticism of your table manners, whether it is how you hold your utensils, the speed at which you eat, or the sounds you make while eating. No detail is too small for them to scrutinize. This becomes a source of anxiety and makes meals, especially in public or with company, a stressful experience. The intention behind this criticism is to make you hyper-aware of your actions and, ultimately, to control your behavior. The ultimate goal of a narcissist when doing this is to undermine your confidence so that you become more dependent on their approval, because that is what makes them feel powerful.
Making you feel guilty for enjoying your favorite food:
It is natural to find pleasure in food, isn’t it? But narcissists taint this simple joy by making you feel guilty for eating something you like. Whether it is through derogatory comments or subtle jabs, they make it clear that they disapprove of your choices. Picture this: you are eating ice cream, enjoying it, and the narcissist says something like, “Do you know how many calories are in that?” to suck out the joy from your life. The thing is, they can’t stand to see you happy. This is why they have to destroy every single occasion they can. As a victim of this, you slowly develop feelings of shame towards eating, and you forego the foods you love. It is heartbreaking to even talk about this. That’s why I say you fade away in a relationship like this. You lose yourself slowly—your likes, wants, needs, and desires leave you, and you feel empty within and without.
Constantly criticize your body, weight, or diet.
Narcissists demoralize you by constantly criticizing your body, weight, or diet to control your self-image and self-esteem. By making you feel self-conscious and judged, they manipulate you into seeking their approval. You may hear comments like, “Are you sure you need to eat that?” or “That doesn’t seem like a very healthy choice.” This criticism is extremely damaging because it connects food to your self-worth. The criticism may come in various forms: direct comments, comparisons with other people, or even passive-aggressive remarks. These comments are specifically designed to target your vulnerabilities regarding your appearance and eating habits. As this becomes a regular occurrence, meals and social gatherings turn into dreaded events. Continuous criticism starts to take a toll on your mental health, making you anxious and stressed, especially around food. All this is a tactic to maintain control by dominating your thoughts and emotions surrounding food and body image, keeping you in a perpetual state of insecurity. The more insecure you are, the deeper and longer they can control you.
They control access to food and pick fights.
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