The questioning of your values, morals and worth as a human being and partner is getting debilitating. You try to develop a thick skin but your shattered sense of self worth is being slowly but surely crushed.
It’s always you! Your faults, your mistakes and your shortcomings, real or made up that are always the issue. Why are you not fulfilling their needs? Why are you so worthless? It isn’t even a question any more -it’s an accepted fact. It can’t be true, but it must be true, because you and what is wrong with you, is the ongoing open discussion.
You may falsely think that coming to a agreement is the final conclusion or goal to the endless painful discussions. It is not. Keeping the conversations rolling to keep you off balance and to continue to feed off your emotional responses are the goals. Those goals are already being met, nothing will change. No one with the goal of finding common ground or settling differences with a narcissist will ever come out of a heart to heart with those goals fulfilled. Generally you just end up being triggered and more frustrated then before the conversation.
You emotions are raised then crashed repeatedly, even inside a single conversation they are uplifted and then crashed. You have no clue the binding effect this has on you.
No conclusions or common ground will ever come to pass, as this would end their control and end the supply they get by continually churning your emotions. Word salad is spoken freely and revolving conversations you already had are started up again like they never happened.
An endless supply of mindfuckery, is your steady diet now as thing progress and deteriorate. Your nerves are raw- it won’t be long before you have to defend yourself again, so you’re always on edge, ready to snap. When you do, it’s used against you. You’re too sensitive, or it’s proof you’re unstable. It’s proof you’re abusive, unworthy, shameful, and pathetic. And you won’t forget because you will be reminded so often it feels like it never quits.
If you have an issue with them, or try to voice a need you have, you are shut down before you get the first sentence out. They will never allow you to call them on their crap. Trying to do so, is a punishable offense.
You are demeaned, shamed, put down, and vented on, as much as you can stand now, and maybe just a touch more. You are beat up until you are in a rage or tears. They always claim victory when you lose it emotionally. And they did win; it was their intention all along to pump up your emotions and feed off them. This drives you to the edge of sanity and beyond, a price they are willing to pay. You don’t even know you are being played. It’s a game with your mental well-being being toyed with, and your sanity is at stake. The rules change with the moods of the narcissist; it doesn’t really matter; you are not playing the game; you are just a game piece to be discarded at the will and whim of the narcissist.
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