3 They love control and compliance.
As children grow, especially between the ages of 3 and 15, they’re less likely to question authority, aren’t they? This is a phase when the narcissistic parent finds it easier to mold you according to their image, which may be mistaken for fondness but is more about control and compliance. They choose what you study, they choose the school you go to, they choose your friends—everything is shaped by them. You do not have an identity of your own; you just become an extension of theirs. And if you try to express your individuality, your separateness, your differences in any way, your differences from them, your differences that make you a completely unique individual, you are seen as trouble, and the alarm goes off in their head, and the attack begins.
4 Their love is very conditional.
A characteristic trait of the relationship between a narcissistic parent and their children is the conditionality of affection. Because a parent is supposed to show unconditional positive regard towards their children, that doesn’t mean unconditional enabling. Of course not. It just means accepting the child for who they are and for what they are. But the love of a narcissistic parent is very conditional; it is transactional; it is performance-based. You are only seen as deserving of their love when you get their positive attention. If not, you are devalued and eventually discarded. Love and attention are often contingent on the child’s ability to meet the parent’s expectations, especially in terms of reflecting positively on them.
5 They use children as leverage.
A narcissistic parent uses their children as pawns to manipulate situations or individuals. Children are placed in the center of adult issues; they become the therapists, the mediators, and the ones who carry the burden they do not have the capacity to carry. They become the ones who resolve conflicts when they do not have the skills or capabilities to do so. They may use you as a pawn against the other parent, and if the other parent is a narcissist as well, then you are trapped in hell because you do not have anyone. They may use you to punish the other parent if they are the same, and in most cases, you do not know you are being used until later down the line, when the damage has already been done. They use you to gain the upper hand over the situation; they use you to display to the public; they use you as their achievement, as if you’re the one who brings glory. Well, that is how they perceive it, but you are not seen as you; there is no mental representation of a relationship with you except a relationship of supply, and the reception of supply does not exist.
The ONLY Way To Get Closure From A Narcissist
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