Red flag number three: they aren’t open to feedback.
In fact, any perceived criticism will be enough to set them off. To say that they are hypersensitive to anything that might shine a light on a shortcoming, a flaw, or very inappropriate and unacceptable behavior is an understatement. Narcissists are very easily slighted, easily offended. In other words, they’re so hypersensitive that, without even realizing it, you can inflict narcissistic injury.
If you have anyone in any area of your life who, out of the blue, they’re hurt, angry, and you have no idea why or what you’ve done, they are so easily offended, so easily slighted, always on the defensive, chances are good you’re dealing with someone who, at the very least, has narcissistic traits, if not fully lands on the spectrum of destructive narcissism. We can be going through life, minding our own business, doing our own thing, and all of a sudden, out of the blue, it appears we’ve done or said something offensive, although we have no ever-loving idea what that something might be. All we know is their facial expression has changed, their tone has changed, their body language has shifted, and the energy in the room has definitely shifted. And we can’t, for the life of us, figure out why. And communicating with them gets us nowhere.
And the reality is, it’s not our stuff. As decent human beings with a kind heart, empathy, and a conscience, even if we accidentally step on someone’s toes, hurt someone’s feelings, we’re going to acknowledge that right away. We’re going to take ownership of that. We’re going to apologize and do what we can do to make it right as quickly as possible. That’s what decent, reasonably healthy human beings do, right?
But the problem is, when you’re dealing with someone who lands on the spectrum of destructive narcissism, who is so hypersensitive, so easily offended, so easily slighted, those of us who are highly empathic individuals find ourselves in a situation where we don’t even know what we did. And we’re feeling compelled to apologize and take responsibility for things that aren’t our responsibility. The bottom line is, if you didn’t do anything that you should be apologizing for on purpose or even by accident, you don’t owe anybody an apology. It’s vital that we recognize where we end and others begin. That’s part of developing healthy boundaries.
If you encounter anyone in any area of your life who you know is not at all open to feedback or, worse yet, is easily offended when you’ve done absolutely nothing to cause offense, recognize that it’s not your stuff. You only need to take responsibility for anything that you’ve actually done intentionally or otherwise. Everything else is not yours to own, so don’t take it on.
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