Much like switching off, yet unlike prolonged treatments of silence, avoidance is not meant to necessarily be a severely noticable punishment but is instead utilized to create a “pause” in the engagement for them to calculate, collect themselves, and come back to start anew, usually with a different approach. At first, avoidance will come off as an endless excuse. They are suddenly too busy or tired to deal with you, yet they will not be too busy or tired for everyone else. Their mask has begun to slip; they can tell that you are aware of this and can’t bear to face the shame, guilt, embarrassment, and altered, negative perception of themselves from your view, so they simply avoid you at all costs. If they are avoiding you, it is because you are providing “negative fuel,” and it is “more fun” to receive “positive fuel” elsewhere. For now. Avoidance is associated with the hope that when they do return, you will have forgotten whatever transpired to “make them” disappear and provide positive fuel again.
Triangulation
In romantic relationships, as well as in friendships and employment situations, narcissists will suddenly “go quiet” with you, withholding time, energy, affection, and praise while making it obvious or directly stating that these things are now being “gifted” to someone else. They will literally reach out to express that they hung out with someone else. Who cares. They actually believe that someone else “getting to be” the one who is used by them is something to compete over. Romantically, they will go out of their way to “slip up” and reveal that they are cheating, just so you will be aware of this competition and obsess about whether or not they are with them when they are away. In any case, they “go quiet” with you while boosting morale and bragging about another, as a control tactic that will hopefully make you “work” to re-gain whatever has been removed, even if it is simply a spot in their life. They hope to inspire insecurity and jealousy within you, which is why it is done so openly. Their goal is that when they return, you will feel as though you have “won,” happily welcoming them in with open arms, irrespective of how they treated you prior, simply grateful to have them in your presence.
Silent Treatment
3 Things God does to a Narcissist
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