- Shame on you for your independent thinking.
As part of their need for control, narcissists want your conformity. In their minds, you are supposed to align with their ways of interpreting life. When you illustrate an independent streak, here comes the guilt induction. “You’re clearly not a team player.” Or “I always knew you were selfish, but I never knew it would be this bad.” When you predictably stand up for yourself, they can smirk and taunt you, “It’s all about you, isn’t it.”
- You’re responsible for their moods.
A fourth tactic or trick that they like to use to make you look like the problem is that they try to make you feel responsible for their moods. For example, let’s suppose they are feeling agitated, irritable, or perplexed. They may sometimes say something like, “Do you realize how much trouble you create around here?” or “I was having a perfectly good day until you showed up” or “You better believe that I’m upset, and you’re just such an impossible person.” So they have their own moodiness and their own irregularities, and then they’ll turn around and say, “Yeah, and it’s all your fault.” Of course, if you accept that and it’s like, “Well, I didn’t mean that,” or they’ve got you going again, that’s part of their gain.
- offer lame excuses.
A fifth way that they can trick you into looking like you’re the problem is that they may actually offer lame excuses. For example, let’s suppose that they have made a mistake or that they realize that they were pretty moody or erratic. They may say something like, “Yeah, I’ve been under a lot of stress lately,” or “I didn’t have a good night of sleep,” or “I was waiting for this person to finish, and they didn’t come through.” So they make lame excuses, and then they blame you for whatever kind of reactions you have. For example, they may say something like, “Yeah, I’ve been working on this project for such a long time, and I know that I’m kind of raw, but you’re so difficult whenever these kinds of things come along,” and they’ll judge you for not understanding them. Or they may say, “You didn’t make matters any better because you certainly weren’t available when I needed your help.” So now, rather than just saying, “Yes, I have a problem,” and accepting responsibility, along with their excuse comes that one pivotal word, “but.” Yeah, I don’t have a problem, but you do. And so they make it all your fault.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
Leave a Comment