Narcissists believe that they never mistreated you. If they did, it was because of you. You said or did something that triggered them, which made them act a certain way, and it’s justified. Or they treated you abusively because you let them treat you that way. So, it’s your fault. You are a naive person, a fool for not detecting their narcissism, for trusting them. That is how these sociopathic, malignant narcissists justify their abusive treatment towards you. They think, “Oh, she’s such a foolish person. He’s such a giving person, which makes him a perfect target. He should not be giving; it’s his fault. So, it’s not my problem. I will keep taking advantage of them. I will keep using them until I can because it’s their fault. They should not have trusted me in the first place. They should have been able to see through my manipulation.” They don’t have a problem with it and are letting me do it to them, so I will continuously keep doing it. They also use compartmentalization a lot. They minimize their abusive behavior by comparing it with what they could have done to you—the worst-case scenario—and then expect you to be grateful for not receiving that kind of treatment from them. They also justify it on the basis of what you have done to them and what they have experienced in the past. Basically, they have zero empathy towards you and can’t take responsibility. They can’t look within; they gaslight you and believe that they didn’t say that, they didn’t do that.
5. They Believe Their Next Partner Is Going to Be Better Than You
Narcissists delusionally believe that their next partner is going to be better than you. Instead of looking within and asking themselves, “How did I mess this up? What could I have done better? Is it my fault?”—all questions asked by survivors—they always think about the replacement. They always think about finding a better person, someone who would treat them better, someone who would recognize how worthy they are because you failed to do so. Someone who wouldn’t dupe and betray them like you did by changing yourself when they are the ones who kept changing themselves like a chameleon. Someone who wouldn’t be so clingy, so needy, someone who would be emotionally stable, someone who wouldn’t have baggage from the past. This is how they devalue you, make you feel like you are this filth, something nobody wants to do anything with, that you are undesirable, unworthy, and should become invisible and never come out seeking partnerships or relationships. They think the next person is going to be the answer to all their questions, but as you and I both know, that never ends up happening because it’s them who is the problem. They end up treating the next partner the same way but in a different manner.
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