In this scenario, they would steer the conversation away from the real issue by introducing an unrelated topic to divert your attention away from what’s actually being discussed. So anytime a narcissist feels that they are losing ground, they go rogue and abruptly shift the conversation to focus on something completely unrelated, like criticizing your choice of friends or your habits. Now you’re no longer talking about her shopping and her overspending; now it’s about this other thing that has absolutely nothing to do with the concern you’re trying to address. Along the same lines, a narcissist often resorts to dredging up past events or grievances to deflect from current problems. So let’s say you bring up concerns about your girlfriend spending a lot of time with a male coworker after hours. Instead of openly discussing this concern, she says something like, ‘What about five years ago when you cheated on your ex-wife with that woman from your swim team? Let’s not forget about that.’ Or in the scenario of overspending, she might say, ‘Oh, you’re complaining about my spending? Remember when you bought that laptop without even consulting me?’ Now you may start to defend your past actions, even though it was many years ago, maybe you already apologized. But regardless, now it’s no longer about what’s happening but about your past mistakes or previous wrongdoings, insinuating that you have no right to be upset about anything ever.
Number three is accusing you of not caring or not appreciating them.
So let’s say you express frustration about your narcissistic partner’s behavior. They will often counter with things like, ‘If you really loved me, you wouldn’t be trying to control me.’ Or they might say, ‘Why are you getting upset about this? Don’t you see everything I do for you? Don’t you appreciate all the things I do to make this relationship work?’
Number four is minimizing your concerns.
7 Things Narcissists Do When They’re Alone
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