But there is another reason why the early years deserve special attention. They are the starting place for subsequent behaviors. A kid that feels securely attached at age two can make friends at kindergarten. Their worldview gets reinforced with every interaction and they develop optimism. As a result, they make good relationships at school, then at college, and later at work. Highly insecurely attached children can miss out on this opportunity. Psychologist John Bowlby, a pioneer in attachment theory, allegedly said, “What cannot be communicated to the mother cannot be communicated to the self.” In other words, those who feel insecurely attached might not quite understand themselves. To get to know who they are and what they feel, they might have to go way back in time.
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